I ask you, is there any more comforting taste than that of the lowly grape? That's why a peanut butter and jelly sandwich almost always uses grape jelly rather than any of the myriad alternative flavors like, say, cabbage jelly, for example. That's why kids' juice boxes all across this great nation of ours, and then often the fronts of the kids' shirts as well, frequently contain grape juice. We love grapes in all their various forms. Grape juice. Grape jelly. Grape jam. Grape gum. Grape lollipops. Grape nuts. I love those Jolly Joes grape-flavored candies. I love the dried grape, otherwise known as our friend, the raisin. Heck, even most wines are made from grapes, which just goes to show you how incredibly versatile they are. Let's face it, grapes beat the hideous eggplant hands down as America's favorite purple food.
Which is why I was as thrilled as punch (grape punch, of course) when I was walking through my local convenience store today and chanced upon new Grape Mentos, the chewy mint. I snatched up a roll without hesitation, threw my change on the counter as I raced from the store, and rushed home to taste my new treasure. I should have known when I tore open the package and noted the mint's sickly white color that something was wrong. Still, I popped the Mento into my mouth, began chewing happily, and...
Well, in the immortal words of Lorelei Gilmore, it tasted like keys. It left a sickly, medicinal aftertaste in my mouth that was hard to swallow, if you'll excuse the pun. Certain I had to be wrong, I tried a second mint, began chewing, and quickly spat it out into the trash. It was awful, horrible, a betrayal of all things purple.
I don't know why the Mentos company, an otherwise fine, upstanding organization, is trying to foist this grotesque grape fraud upon the unsuspecting public, but I felt it my duty, as a responsible blogger, to warn you all before you fall victim as well. Just call it another part of the service.
Now excuse me while I go gargle a jar of Welch's Jelly to restore my faith in grapes.
Many Candles: The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe
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