What's in a Name?

Okay, let's see if I've got this straight.

There's a new TV series this season called Chuck, about Chuck Bartowski, Nerd Herd slacker turned reluctant spy. Then there's Dirty Sexy Money, where attorney Nick George attends to the daily fortunes and foibles of the fabulously wealthy Darling family. Then we've got the wonderful Pushing Daisies, where our hero Ned the piemaker has used his amazing powers to resurrect his childhood sweetheart Charlotte Charles, otherwise known as Chuck, whose two aunts were once a synchronized swimming team called the Darling Mermaid Darlings. And, lastly, there's the new sitcom series Back to You, where former Frasier actor Kelsey Grammer portrays TV network anchorman Chuck Darling.

And they say there's never anything new or original on TV.

It's the Fall TV Scorecard - Part Two

Sorry it's taken me a little longer than planned to get to the second chapter of my reviews for this season's new shows, but that's life. There are still several new series to come so expect the final chapter next week. Anyway, once again in no particular order, here goes...

CANE: This show is basically The Godfather with a Cuban accent. It's another soap opera with a stellar cast led by Jimmy Smits of West Wing and NYPD Blue fame, the always-engaging Hector Elizondo, formerly of Chicago Hope, and the everything-award-winning Rita Moreno. What this show is lacking for me that made Dirty Sexy Money watchable is a sense of humor. So far my lovely wife is enjoying the show. How much longer I'll stick around remains to be seen.

ALIENS IN AMERICA: It's sort of The Wonder Years meets Osama Bin Ladin, but with a lot more heart. Chris and I are watching it and loving it. It's funny. It's touching. And it isn't at all cloying. And it's got Scott Patterson playing a character very unlike the beloved Gilmore Girls' Luke. Try it. You might like it.

CARPOOLERS: Not the worst idea for a sitcom, but by no means the best. The biggest problem with this series is that it violates the first and foremost rule of a good situation comedy: it's just not funny. I didn't crack a smile once during its first -- and, frankly, my only -- half hour. Odds are it'll be gone by November Sweeps. Your time can be better spent.

JOURNEYMAN: Truth to tell, I found the first show to be a little grim for my taste, but I liked the second episode much better, as the characters started to address some of the inherent problems of time travel, like using older money, what to do about your cell phone, etc. The show has promise but, ratings being what they are, it seems like it may not make it past Thanksgiving, if it even lasts that long. Give it a looksee while you can.

CAVEMEN: Well, that's six minutes of my life I'm never getting back. Seriously, the things I do for you people. This show is another shining example of Hollywood trying to prove once again that nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. God, I hope they're wrong.

GOSSIP GIRL: I gave it up 15 minutes into the first episode when I realized there was nobody in the cast I cared about, but it's just gotten picked up for the whole season, and critics are saying it has really improved, so maybe I'll give it another try.

PRIVATE PRACTICE: To be honest, I'm one of those few who don't watch Grey's Anatomy, so I thought it would be hypocritical of me to watch its spin-off. Despite sporting a pretty terrific cast, the critics all seem to hate it, so it seems I made the right choice.

PUSHING DAISIES: I've already told you all what I think of this show and, based on the first week's ratings, much of America seems to agree with me. I think it's the best new thing on the air this Fall, and I hope it sticks around for a long, long time.

BIG SHOTS: With a terrific cast led by Dylan McDermott of The Practice, Christopher Titus of the eponymous Titus, Joshua Molina of Sports Night and the West Wing, and Michael Vartan, late of Alias, you'd think this series would be better than it is. It's a show about four so-called Captains of Industry who are actually little more than Buck Privates in their personal lives. To me, the whole thing feels much like the hour-long dramedy version of the previously-mentioned Carpoolers, and sadly it's not much better.

So THIS is What Must-See TV Means!

A quick heads up before tonight's TV viewing begins. If you're not gonna be home or even if you are, set your Tivo or VCR or wax tablet to record my absolute favorite new series of the season, Pushing Daisies! This is a series that is not quite like anything else you've ever seen before on TV, sort of a mix of Tim Burton and Lemony Snicket meet Six Feet Under, and that doesn't even begin to do justice to the series. Some of you may find something that occurs during the first few minutes of the show a little unsettling, but please stick with it. I promise you everything works out for the best.

Pushing Daisies is the sort of series that will either be one of the season's biggest hits or biggest ratings disasters, which is why I'm pushing for you to watch it now and help, if you can, with the ratings. I think this series worth the time and effort. I hope you will too.

Watch it tonight and let me know what you think, okay?

Before the Fall - Part 5

And, finally, because I know there are those of you out there who are still holding their collective breath, here's the CW line-up for the Fall. Don't all thank me at once.

THE CW PRIME-TIME SCHEDULE 2007-08

New series in CAPS as usual

MONDAY
8:00-8:30 Everybody Hates Chris
8:30-9:00 ALIENS IN AMERICA
9:00-9:30 Girlfriends
9:30-10:00 The Game

TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 Beauty & The Geek
9:00-10:00 THE REAPER

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 America's Next Top Model
9:00-10:00 GOSSIP GIRL

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 Smallville
9:00-10:00 Supernatural

FRIDAY
8:00-10:00 Friday Night Smackdown

SATURDAY
???

SUNDAY
7:00-7:30 CW NOW!
7:30-8:00 ONLINE NATION
8:00-9:00 LIFE IS WILD
9:00-10:00 America's Next Top Model repeats

You know where to go for more details.

Before the Fall - Part 4

Well, since the CW appears to still be messing around with their Fall schedule, here's what you can expect at the moment from FOX. As they've done for the past several years, they're gonna mix up the line-up in January to add new shows, so here's the listing for both. As ever, if you want more info on these new series, click here.

FOX PRIMETIME SCHEDULE: FALL 2007
(All Times ET/PT)

All new series are listed in CAPS.

MONDAY
8:00-9:00 PM Prison Break
9:00-10:00 PM K-VILLE

TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM NEW AMSTERDAM
9:00-10:00 PM House

WEDNESDAY
8:00-8:30 PM BACK TO YOU
8:30-9:00 PM ’Til Death
9:00-10:00 PM Bones

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 PM Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
9:00-10:00 PM KITCHEN NIGHTMARES

FRIDAY
8:00-9:00 PM THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT GREAT AMERICAN BAND (working title)
9:00-10:00 PM NASHVILLE (working title)

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 PM Cops
8:30-9:00 PM Cops
9:00-10:00 PM America’s Most Wanted: America Fights Back
11:00 PM-MIDNIGHT MADtv
MIDNIGHT-12:30 AM Talk Show with Spike Feresten

SUNDAY
7:00-8:00 PM THE OT (NFL post-game)
8:00-8:30 PM The Simpsons
8:30-9:00 PM King of the Hill
9:00-9:30 PM Family Guy
9:30-10:00 PM American Dad


FOX PRIMETIME SCHEDULE: BEGINNING JANUARY 2008
(All Times ET/PT)

MONDAY
8:00-9:00 PM K-VILLE (January)/Prison Break (Spring)
9:00-10:00 PM 24

TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM American Idol
9:00-10:00 PM House

WEDNESDAY (January)
8:00-8:30 PM BACK TO YOU
8:30-9:00 PM ’Til Death
9:00-10:00 PM American Idol

WEDNESDAY (Spring)
8:00-8:30 PM BACK TO YOU
8:30-9:00 PM THE RETURN OF JEZEBEL JAMES (working title)
9:00-9:30 PM American Idol Results Show
9:30-10:00 PM ’Til Death

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 PM Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
9:00-10:00 PM CANTERBURY’S LAW

FRIDAY (Spring)
8:00-9:00 PM Bones
9:00-10:00 PM NEW AMSTERDAM

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 PM Cops
8:30-9:00 PM Cops
9:00-10:00 PM America’s Most Wanted: America Fights Back
11:00 PM-MIDNIGHT MADtv
MIDNIGHT-12:30 AM Talk Show with Spike Feresten

SUNDAY (Spring)
7:00-7:30 PM King of the Hill
7:30-8:00 PM American Dad
8:00-8:30 PM The Simpsons
8:30-9:00 PM Family Guy
9:00-10:00 PM THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES

That's four networks down, one netlet to go.

Before the Fall - Part 3

And here, for both of you holding your breath, is the CBS Fall lineup. Don't worry about The Amazing Race not being on the schedule; it's due back mid-season (or as soon as some other hour show bites the proverbial big one), as are The New Adventures of Old Christine and the new series Swingtown.

CBS TELEVISION NETWORK 2007-2008 PRIMETIME SCHEDULE

New shows in CAPS as per usual (except for the CSIs and NCIS, of course)

MONDAY
8:00 How I Met Your Mother
8:30 THE BIG BANG THEORY
9:00 Two and a Half Men
9:30 Rules of Engagement
10:00 CSI: Miami

TUESDAY
8:00 NCIS
9:00 The Unit
10:00 CANE

WEDNESDAY
8:00 KID NATION
9:00 Criminal Minds
10:00 CSI: NY

THURSDAY
8:00 Survivor
9:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
10:00 Without a Trace

FRIDAY
8:00 Ghost Whisperer
9:00 MOONLIGHT
10:00 Numbers

SATURDAY
8:00 Crimetime Saturday
9:00 Crimetime Saturday
10:00 48 Hours: Mystery

SUNDAY
7:00 60 Minutes
8:00 VIVA LAUGHLIN
9:00 Cold Case
10:00 Shark

As ever, if you're looking for more info on the new shows, click here. Tomorrow and Friday, FOX and the CW, respectively. I, for one, can't wait.

Before the Fall - Part 2

And here's the ABC fall schedule. Fear not, Lost will be back for an uninterrupted 16-episode season, probably in February. Things are already starting to get ugly, with NBC's new Bionic Woman currently going head to head with Private Practice, the hot Grey's Anatomy spin-off. Someone will flinch before September. As ever, you can check out more details here.

ABC PRIME-TIME SCHEDULE FOR FALL 2007-08

The complete fall schedule follows. (New programs in CAPS)

MONDAY
8-9:30 p.m.: "Dancing with the Stars"
9:30-10 p.m.: "SAM I AM"
10-11 p.m.: "The Bachelor"

TUESDAY
8-8:30 p.m.: "CAVEMEN"
8:30-9 p.m.: "CARPOOLERS"
9-10 p.m.: "Dancing With the Stars" (results show)
10-11 p.m.: "Boston Legal"

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m.: "PUSHING DAISIES"
9-10 p.m.: "PRIVATE PRACTICE"
10-11 p.m.: "DIRTY SEXY MONEY"

THURSDAY
8-9 p.m.: "Ugly Betty"
9-10 p.m.: "Grey's Anatomy"
10-11 p.m.: "BIG SHOTS"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m.: "Men in Trees"
9-10 p.m.: "WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB"
10-11 p.m.: "20/20"

SATURDAY
8-11 p.m.: "Saturday Night College Football"

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m.: "America's Funniest Home Videos"
8-9 p.m.: "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"
9-10 p.m.: "Desperate Housewives"
10-11 p.m.: "Brothers & Sisters"

More news as it becomes available.

Before the Fall - Part 1

Wow, I sure know how to get your attention now, just go for a joke that takes a cheap shot at television. For the record, I'm a huge fan of Heroes, ER, Medium, all the L&O shows, Scrubs, 30 Rock, and My Name is Earl, and I'm actually looking forward to checking out several of NBC's new fall shows, specifically Journeyman, The Bionic Woman (which co-stars my old buddy Miguel Ferrer), Life, and Chuck. Lipstick Jungle and Singing Bee, not so much, but one never knows.

For those of you interested in such things, here's NBC's current Fall schedule. Write it down in pencil. You know it's gonna change before September.

NBC PRIME-TIME SCHEDULE FOR FALL 2007-08

*New programs in CAPS (with the exception of "ER")

MONDAY
8-9 pm Deal or No Deal
9-10 pm Heroes
10-11 pm JOURNEYMAN

TUESDAY
8-9 pm The Biggest Loser
9-10 pm CHUCK
10-11 pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

WEDNESDAY
8-9 pm Deal or No Deal
9-10 pm BIONIC WOMAN
10-11 pm LIFE

THURSDAY
8-8:30 pm My Name Is Earl
8:30-9 pm 30 Rock
9-9:30 pm The Office
9:30-10 pm Scrubs
10-11 pm ER

FRIDAY
8-9 pm 1 vs 100/THE SINGING BEE
9-10 pm Las Vegas
10-11 pm Friday Night Lights

SATURDAY
8-9 pm Dateline NBC
9-11 pm Drama Series Encores

SUNDAY (Fall 2007)
7-8 pm Football Night in America
8-11 pm NBC Sunday Night Football

SUNDAY (January 2008)
7-8 pm Dateline NBC
8-9 pm Law & Order
9-10 pm Medium
10-11 pm LIPSTICK JUNGLE

Anyone looking for detailed information about the casts and premises of NBC's new shows can find it here, over at TVGuide.com. I'll update you with the schedules for all the other networks as the week progresses. You might as well start bracing yourselves now.