Friday, February 9, 2007

I've Figured It Out

A female Astronaut wearing diapers and carrying Maxwell's Silver Hammer travels almost a thousand miles to attempt the murder of her "rival" for the affections of a man who barely even knows her.

The entire city of Boston, Massachusetts goes into Red Alert Terrorist Lockdown when they think they're being invaded by hundreds of LiteBrite images of a crimefighting Milk Shake.

Celebrity footnote Anna Nicole Smith hasn't even had time to start spinning in her grave when yet another man, the prepaid-Prince husband of fellow footnote, 90-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor -- the husband of ZSA ZSA FREAKIN' GABOR, fer Chri'sake -- steps forward to join the DMV-sized line of those claiming paternity of Smith's maybe-heiress infant daughter.

And that's all just in the past week.

It's obvious, isn't it? David Lynch is currently writing reality -- and we're all living in Twin Peaks.


Dwight Williams said...

An unnerving thought, isn't it? Life's weird enough without being dropkicked into a universe like that one.

Anonymous said...

No, no...isn't it obvious? It's all due to global warming.

Ragnell said...

I think think living in Oklahoma has inoculated me against the surreal. I barely blinked at any of this.

Christopher Moonlight said...

I have a friend that (after a hard day at the San Diego Comic Con.) found that my ex-girlfriend had broken into his hotel room, and brought The Arm with her. I think that backs you up, just a bit.

Christopher Moonlight said...

PS I've added you to my blog list of blogs to read.

Michael Bailey said...

That explains the girl wrapped in plastic I found in the breakroom this morning at work.

Thanks, Len! Once again you've saved the day.

A.R.Yngve said...

Such bizarre news reminds me of a story by Jorge Luis Borges, "Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius", where a strange fictional universe "infects" the real world through a book and turns reality into that fictional world.

Similar scenarios occur in John Carpenter's movie IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS and several of Philip K. Dick's novels.

I'm not saying reality is turning into a (badly written, lurid) story. But what if it DID? Can you complain to the editor..?

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, all this "non-news" ends up doing is pushing things like the war off the front page, so we tend to forget we still have a president ignoring the will of the majority of the people he supposedly represents.